去上海读书的前一个星期,我又去了南山。一年多过去了,我差不多每个月来这里一次,高考最紧张的时候,我也抽空来。她的墓地始终清洁干净,偶尔有一只飞鸟停在上头,静静的停着,一动不动。我也一动不动地坐着,陪她说说话,心里感觉委屈的时候,来这里最能寻找到安宁。
在生命的面前,一切皆显得脆弱无力。
“吧啦。”我在心里轻声对她说,“你知道吗,张漾走了,许弋也走了,很快,我也要走了。你不要觉得寂寞,因为我们的离开和你的离开是不一样的,我会替你好好活下去,我会替你做很多你没做完的事情。我们一定都要幸福,把你没进行完的幸福进行下去。”
我听到身后有声响,回过身,仿佛看到一个熟悉的身影一晃而过。我追过去,却什么人也没有,夏天的风卷着热浪没完没了的吹着,烈日下一片空旷的草地绿得很牵强。
我大声地喊:“你出来,我看到你啦!”
没有动静。
“出来,出来!”我继续喊。
风越来越大,不知道是不是要下雨。我听到脚步声,山下果然走来了人,手里拿着一把黑色的没有撑开的雨伞,他始终低着头,等他走上最后一级台阶,我才看清楚,那是张漾的父亲。
他看上去很苍老,脚步迟缓,神色沧桑。
他并不认得我。
我让开身子,他从我身边走了过去。我知道,他是要去看张漾的母亲,或者说,许弋的母亲。我曾经和他有过一面之缘,在大街上,尤他把他指给我看:“那是张漾的爸爸,他们看上去很不一样,对吧?”
我那时候的感觉是惊奇。是很不一样。后来,从别人的口中,我知道了一些些这个男人的故事,包括他一直守在医院里并替那个女人送葬的光辉事迹,曾一度成为我们这个小城里无聊人士们的最佳谈资。我对这个看上去总是萎萎缩缩的男人心生敬仰,他不顾流言飞语坚持对爱情的责任,坚持他内心的责任,不是每个人都能做到的。
我看着他走远。在他穿过那一片墓地就要在我眼前消失的时候,我追了上去,我喊住他:“嗨!”
他回头,有点不确认是我在喊他。
“你好。”我说,“可以跟你打听一个人吗?”
“恩?”他说。
我说:“你有许弋的消息吗?”
“你是?”他问。
“我……是他同学。”
“哦。”他说,“他在上海读书。”
“这个我知道。”我说,“我们久不联系,你能给我他的电话号码吗?”
他抱歉地看着我说:“真对不起,我没有。”
“噢。那就算了。”我说,“谢谢您。”
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